Lincoln Blogs

Solve the Riddle
June 26, 2007, 3:25 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This riddle was written by a lady in California in 1890 in response to a man in Philadelphia, who said that he would pay $1,ooo to anyone who could write a puzzle that he could not solve. He failed to do so, and paid the lady what he promised.

The answer, which I will post later, is one word, and appears only four times in the King James Version of the Bible. An eight-year-old boy figured it out. It took me about half an hour.

God made Adam out of dust,
But thought it best to make me first.
So I was made before the man,
According to God’s holy plan.
My whole body God made complete,
Without arms or hands or feet.
My ways and acts did God control,
But in my body He placed no soul.
A living being I became,
And Adam gave to me a name.
Then from his presence I withdrew,
For this man Adam I never knew.

All my Maker’s laws I do obey,
And from these laws I never stray.
Thousands of me go in fear,
But seldom on the earth appear.
Later, for a purpose God did see,
He placed a living soul in me.
But that soul of mine God had to claim,
And from me He took it back again.
And when this soul from me had fled,
I was the same as when first made;
Without arms, legs, feet, or soul,
I travel on from pole to pole.

My labors are from day to night,
And to men I once furnished light.
Thousands of people both young and old,
Did by my death bright lights behold.
No right or wrong can I conceive;
The Bible and its teachings I can’t believe.
The fear of death doesn’t trouble me;
Pure happiness I will never see.
And up in Heaven I can never go,
Nor in the grave or Hell below.
So get your Bible and read with care;
You’ll find my name recorded there.

Actual Label Instructions on Consumer Goods
June 3, 2007, 7:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (I bet there is a good story behind that!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.” (A little late for that!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (And you thought…???)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (But wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (But it’s just a suggestion).

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (and I’m taking this because…???)

On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: Maybe, uh … fly Delta?)

On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (Rats!)

Red Bull, Redfish, Stingrays, and Honey Buns
June 2, 2007, 10:00 pm
Filed under: Life

Sorry for the recent infrequent posting; I have been pretty busy finishing up school and all. This is a little late, but I thought I’d post about my trip to Louisiana last weekend with my friend David, and his father. I don’t have pictures yet, but they are coming.

We flew to Dallas, then New Orleans on Friday, and arrived at our final destination, Cocodrie [Cocoa–as in Cocoa Puffs–dree], Louisiana, Saturday morning. Our camp was right on the bayou, which contained sheep-heads (they’re fish, not actual sheep heads), redfish, sea trout, some channel catfish who somehow were living in the saltwater, flounder, mullet, shad, shrimp, white perch, crabs, alligators, and many other creatures. We could catch many of these with a net on the dock. In fact, this was the only way we caught anything on the first day.

The second day, we woke up at 4:30 a.m., grabbed several Red Bull energy drinks each, and went outside to wait for our guide to wake up. We finally headed out on the water at 5:30, still artificially energized. After fishing for hours with no luck, we came back to the camp. I caught a decent sized catfish and a sheep-head (which have teeth like humans) on the dock that afternoon before we went out on the water again. David caught a small stingray, which was cool, but that was it.

On our final day, Monday, we only had the early morning to fish before our flight home, so again we were up before the sun. But alas, our efforts were again fruitless.

8-12 foot waves prevented us from going very far offshore, which was one reason we could not catch many. Also, redfish feed with the tide, and there was only about 4 inches of it when we were there.

I have to devote a paragraph to the food. We had crawfish the first day, a huge tray filled with at least 50 each, which were extremely delicious. On the last night, we ate redfish caught before we arrived, fried with a secret recipe, which were the best fish I have ever eaten. But, the majority of the food we ate was honey buns. David and I probably had about 40 between the two of us. We also drank many Red Bulls, because of the lack of sleep, which we became addicted to.

Although we didn’t catch any redfish or trout, we still had a blast. Throwing the net off the dock was fun, and we caught many fish and crabs in it. Just being out on the water, smelling the salty air, and eating the great food was awesome.