Lincoln Blogs

June 13, 2009, 1:31 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I know I haven’t posted in forever. Sorry about that. I just thought I’d write something about my upcoming trips. I’m leaving tomorrow for Colorado, where I will go river rafting, tour a coffee roastery, and hike for three days. Upon my return, I will depart for Canada, where I will fish at Scott Lake Lodge with my grandfather and two cousins. I’ll be posting pictures from the trips soon. Stay tuned.

‘Tebow Skips Senior Season, Ascends Directly Into Heaven’
January 12, 2009, 4:51 pm
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From an article on

“After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven,” Tebow announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a blinding white light and vanished….

“He wasn’t just the greatest player in college football history,” said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming down his face. “He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on earth.”

Keep the Change
September 17, 2008, 1:36 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m not sure who wrote these, but I received an e-mail with all of them a few days ago and thought they were unbelievable.

Obama’s Not Exactly’s

1.) “Selma Got Me Born” – NOT EXACTLY, your parents felt safe enough to have you in 1961 – Selma had no effect on your birth, as Selma was in 1965. (Google “Obama Selma” for his full March 4, 2007 speech and articles about its various untruths.)

2.) “Father Was A Goat Herder” – NOT EXACTLY, he was a privileged, well educated youth, who went on to work with the Kenyan Government.

3.) “My Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter” – NOT EXACTLY, he was part of one of the most corrupt and violent governments Kenya has ever had.

4.) “My Family Has Strong Ties To African Freedom” – NOT EXACTLY, your cousin Raila Odinga has created mass violence in attempting to overturn a legitimate election in 2007, in Kenya. It is the first widespread violence in decades. The current government is pro-American but Odinga wants to overthrow it and establish Muslim Sharia law. Your half-brother, Abongo Obama, is Odinga’s follower. You interrupted your New Hampshire campaigning to speak to Odinga on the phone.

Obama’s cousin Odinga in Kenya ran for president and tried to get Sharia Muslim law in place there. When Odinga lost the elections, his followers have burned Christians’ homes and then burned men, women and children alive in a Christian church where they took shelter.. Obama supported his cousin before the election process here started. Google Obama and Odinga and see what you get. No one wants to know the truth.

5.) “My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian” – NOT EXACTLY, she does her daily Salat prayers at 5am according to her own interviews. Not to mention, Christianity wouldn’t allow her to have been one of 14 wives to 1 man.

6.) “My Name is African Swahili” – NOT EXACTLY, your name is Arabic and ‘Baraka’ (from which Barack came) means ‘blessed’ in that language. Hussein is also Arabic and so is Obama.

Barack Hussein Obama is not half black. If elected, he would be the first Arab-American President, not the first black President. Barack Hussein Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother’s side and 43.75% Arabic and 6.25% African Negro from his father’s side. While Barack Hussein Obama’s father was from Kenya , his father’s family was mainly Arabs. Barack Hussein Obama’s father was only 12.5% African Negro and 87.5% Arab (his father’s birth certificate even states he’s Arab, not African Negro).

7.) “I Never Practiced Islam” – NOT EXACTLY, you practiced it daily at school, where you were registered as a Muslim and kept that faith for 31 years, until your wife made you change, so you could run for office.

4-3-08 Article ‘Obama was ‘quite religious in Islam

8.) “My School In Indonesia was Christian” – NOT EXACTLY, you were registered as Muslim there and got in trouble in Koranic Studies for making faces (check your own book).

February 28, 2008. Nicholas Kristof from the New York Times a year ago: “Mr. Obama recalled the opening lines of the Arabic call to prayer, reciting them with a first-rate accent. In a remark that seemed delightfully uncalculated (it’ll give Alabama voters heart attacks), Mr. Obama described the call to prayer as ‘one of the prettiest sounds on Earth at sunset.'” This is just one example of what Pamela is talking about when she says “Obama’s narrative is being altered, enhanced and manipulated to whitewash troubling facts.”

9.) “I Was Fluent In Indonesian” – NOT EXACTLY, not one teacher says you could speak the language.

10.) “Because I Lived In Indonesia , I Have More Foreign Experience” – NOT EXACTLY, you were there from the ages of 6 to 10, and couldn’t even speak the language. What did you learn– how to study the Koran and watch cartoons?

11.) “I Am Stronger On Foreign Affairs” – NOT EXACTLY, except for Africa (surprise) and the Middle East (bigger surprise), you have never been anywhere else on the planet and thus have NO experience with our closest allies.

12.) “I Blame My Early Drug Use On Ethnic Confusion” – NOT EXACTLY, you were quite content in high school to be Barry Obama, no mention of Kenya and no mention of struggle to identify – your classmates said you were just fine.

13.) “An Ebony Article Moved Me To Run For Office” – NOT EXACTLY, Ebony has yet to find the article you mention in your book. It doesn’t, and never did, exist.

14.) “A Life Magazine Article Changed My Outlook on Life” – NOT EXACTLY, Life has yet to find the article you mention in your book. It doesn’t, and never did, exist.

15.) “I Won’t Run On A National Ticket In ’08” – NOT EXACTLY, here you are, despite saying, live on TV, that you would not have enough experience by then, and you are all about having experience first.

16.) “Voting ‘Present’ is Common In Illinois Senate” – NOT EXACTLY, they are common for you, but not many others have 130 NO VOTES.

17.) “Oops, I Mis-voted” – NOT EXACTLY, only when caught by church groups and Democrats, did you beg to change your mis-vote.

18.) “I Was A Professor Of Law” – NOT EXACTLY, you were a senior lecturer ON LEAVE.

19.) “I Was A Constitutional Lawyer” – NOT EXACTLY, you were a senior lecturer ON LEAVE.

20.) “Without Me, There Would Be No Ethics Bill” – NOT EXACTLY, you didn’t write it, introduce it, change it, or create it.

21.) “The Ethics Bill Was Hard To Pass” – NOT EXACTLY, it took just 14 days from start to finish.

22.) “I Wrote A Tough Nuclear Bill” – NOT EXACTLY, your bill was rejected by your own party for its pandering and lack of all regulation – mainly because of your Nuclear donor, Exelon, from which David Axelrod came.

23.) “I Have Released My State Records” – NOT EXACTLY, as of March, 2008, state bills you sponsored or voted for have yet to be released, exposing all the special interests pork hidden within.

24.) “I Took On The Asbestos Altgeld Gardens Mess” – NOT EXACTLY, you were part of a large group of people (20) who remedied Altgeld Gardens. You failed to mention anyone else but yourself in your books.

25.) “My Economics Bill Will Help America” – NOT EXACTLY, your 111 economic policies were just combined into a proposal which lost 99-0, and even YOU voted against your own bill.

26.) “I Have Been A Bold Leader In Illinois” – NOT EXACTLY, even your own supporters claim to have not seen BOLD action on your part.

27.) “I Passed 26 Of My Own Bills In One Year” – NOT EXACTLY, they were not YOUR bills, but rather handed to you, after their creation by a fellow Senator, to assist you in a future bid for higher office.

28.) ‘No One on my campaign contacted Canada about NAFTA” – NOT EXACTLY, the Candian Government issued the names and a memo of the conversation your campaign had with them.

29.) “I Am Tough On Terrorism” – NOT EXACTLY, you missed the Iran Resolution vote on terrorism and your good friend Ali Abunimah supports the destruction of Israel.

30.) “I Want All Votes To Count” – NOT EXACTLY, you said let the delegates decide.

31.) “I Want Americans To Decide” – NOT EXACTLY, you prefer caucuses that limit the vote, confuse the voters, force a public vote, and only operate during small windows of time.

32.) “I passed 900 Bills in the State Senate” – NOT EXACTLY, you passed 26, most of which (20) you didn’t write yourself.

33.) “I Believe In Fairness, Not Tactics” – NOT EXACTLY, you used tactics to eliminate Alice Palmer from running against you.

34.) “I Don’t Take PAC Money” – NOT EXACTLY, you take loads of it.

35.) “I don’t Have Lobbysists” – NOT EXACTLY, you have over 47 lobbyists, and counting.

36.) “My Campaign Had Nothing To Do With The 1984 Ad” – NOT EXACTLY, your own campaign worker made the ad on his Apple in just one afternoon.

37.) “I Have Always Been Against Iraq” – NOT EXACTLY, you weren’t in office to vote against it AND you have voted to fund it every single time.

38.) “I Have Always Supported Universal Health Care” – NOT EXACTLY, your plan leaves us all to pay for the 15,000,000 who don’t have to buy it

God help us if this man becomes our next president.

The Big Twelve Compared to the Middle East
September 16, 2008, 7:55 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Texas: Iran. Somewhat of a power in the region, but it will all come crashing down because they have a highly functioning retard as a leader.

Kansas: Kuwait. Tons of riches and unrealized potential, but still vulnerable to Iran.

Nebraska: Iraq. A wealth of history but the country as a whole is going in the tank and they will kill themselves off before it’s all over.

Oklahoma: Saudi Arabia. A proud kingdom, once torn up by fighting but known for historic past and prosperous future, surrounded by Iran and Iraq, with fanatics in Al-Qaeda (see below) who’ll stop at nothing to bring them down.

Missouri: Syria. Evil schemers who will stoop to whatever level they need to win. No real history to speak of but thinks they are the cradle of civilization.

Oklahoma State: Al Qaeda. No real country, just a movement of disgruntled fanatics who live to destroy the hope of those more fortunate. No other goal in life than to bring down the House of Saudi Arabia. Terrorizing that country in the late 90’s and early 2000 years is the crowning achievement in their history. Signing day was a major setback to the movement. They are fanatically loyal to their new leader.

Kansas State: Palestinian territories. No one really cares or worries about them unless they can be of some use (i.e. winning a battle once in a while against Iran that causes a bit of shake up in rankings).

Iowa State: Qatar. Where is Qatar?  Is it in our area?

Texas A&M: Afghanistan. Not much going for it other than the crazy commoners.

Colorado: Morocco. Not really part of the Middle East. Has other things to do than fight (or play football).

Texas Tech: Libya. Has a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness who will rattle his sword but knows he doesn’t have a whole lot to back it up. Pulls the occasional sneak-attack and cries “Victory!”

Baylor: Israel. None of the others understand why they’re in the area. Just leave them alone. What did they ever do to you?

If Microsoft Made Cars…
August 21, 2008, 3:23 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Violet Hill
July 1, 2008, 8:36 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Listen to the descriptions of winter.

Was a long and dark December
When the banks became cathedrals
And the fog Became God

New Tornado Policy for Stillwater
June 13, 2008, 3:10 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


In case of possible tornadoes sweeping through the Stillwater, Oklahoma area, we ask that all residents take shelter at the T. Boone Pickens Stadium.

We are certain that a touchdown will not occur there.

Thank you for your cooperation,

National Weather Bureau

Give Me a Break
May 30, 2008, 9:23 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


The Scripps National Spelling Bee is fast approaching and bettors can get in on the action. The odds makers at BetUS have posted odds on the event, allowing you to have predictions on nearly every single possible scenario….

The Spelling Bee has grown quite a bit in both intellectual and parental circles over the past couple of years and in 2008 the hype has really mounted. People are just mesmerized by the spectacle that allows for nerds everywhere to become stars. Users at the sportsbook can now wager on the world’s largest educational challenge, betting on nearly any possible scenario….

[T]he odds include whether the winner will be wearing a stereotypical studious costume of spectacular spectacles.

Oddsmakers at posted the following odds on all things Scripps National Spelling Bee:

Gender of winner
Male 5/7
Female 1/1

Winner to wear glasses
Yes 1/1
No 5/7

Length of winning word
Over 8.5 2/3
Under 8.5 11/10

Punished With a Baby?
April 18, 2008, 9:07 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Obama thinks having a baby is a punishment

Irony Watch
April 2, 2008, 2:53 pm
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U . of Texas honor code apparently plagiarized from BYU’s code

Hillary Wasn’t Lying!
March 30, 2008, 4:52 pm
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Close Enough
October 9, 2007, 6:13 pm
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In the latest edition of Forbes’ 400 Richest People in America, there is a section on the two richest in the world, Bill Gates, and Carlos Slim Helu. It says, “They [are] within $500 million of each other–a virtual tie.” $500 million is now a “virtual tie.” But since Gates makes $16.4 million a day, I don’t think he has anything to worry about.

Letter to the Editor
October 2, 2007, 11:48 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

In his recent outburst against Jenni Carlson’s column on Bobby Reid, one of Mike Gundy’s points was that Reid – three months shy of his 22nd birthday – is just “a kid” and shouldn’t be criticized. I don’t think Gundy is doing Reid any favors calling him a kid. Consider:

David Farragut saw his first combat at age 11 and became captain of a captured ship at age 12. The previous captain first tried to ignore Farragut, calling him a mere child. Farragut answered that anyone who did not follow his orders would be thrown overboard. The other sailors later said there was no question who was in charge of the ship.

Josiah was eight years old when he began his successful 31-year reign as king of Judah.

At age 10, John Quincy Adams served as his father’s assistant on diplomatic missions to Europe. At 14, he served as American diplomat Francis Dana’s secretary and interpreter in the court of Catherine of Russia.

John Hancock graduated from Harvard at 17.

At 17, Stonewall Jackson was serving as a constable (police officer).

Alexander the Great became king of Macedon at age 20 (and by 32 had conquered the known world). Would Gundy call 20-year-old Alexander “a kid”?

If an 11-year-old can fight naval battles, then should a man almost twice his age be called “a kid”?

Some Facts to Ponder
July 15, 2007, 6:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. Not everyone has a gun, but virtually everyone has a doctor. Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health Human Services.

The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188. Statistics courtesy of the FBI

Therefore, physicians are 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Answer to ‘Solve the Riddle’
July 10, 2007, 4:23 pm
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After a couple weeks, only one person has attempted to answer the riddle I posted. The commenter said “ocean”, which was a good guess, but wrong. The answer is “whale”.

God made it before Adam, without hands, arms, feet, or a soul. They seldom appear on the earth. Then later, God placed a soul in it, Jonah, which then left. People used to burn whale fat to make light, which is how it “furnished light to men”.